If you still haven’t mastered the handstand, baked a decadent banana bread or given yourself the perfect haircut – shame on you. But also, welcome aboard.
Our quarantine reality is lending us plenty of time online, and we are forced to see the various accomplishments of people – from their six-pack abs to their freshly made sourdough bread. If you feel like you are not doing enough and the panic of it all is settling in, here’s your guide to successfully failing from home during quarantine –
Buy your bread
The horror! Though societal norms recommend baking your bread at home – and preferably flavoured. I say, rebel. Your grocery store will be more than happy to support your revolutionary behaviour. If you are someone who is not into cooking, don’t feel compelled to literally mix in a tablespoon of your blood, sweat and tears into a home-cooked dish. You do not need to prove anything to anybody so enjoy the ready-to-make pizza.
Watch a lot of movies
Recently I watched Michelle Obama’s ‘Becoming’ and it had everything – from romance and inspiration, to drama and revelations. Use this time to catch up on your favourite TV shows and have movie marathons without any guilt. Yes, people might exchange dirty glances at the sight of you, but know this: their face is just stuck that way.
Embrace the lack of sleep schedule
If I had a penny for every time someone spoke of waking up when the sun don’t shine, I’d be able to afford rent in this economy. If you are someone who wants to wake up early, by all means go for it without rushing into it. However, if you are someone who manages to have a fulfilling day despite an abnormal amount of sleep – embrace it. Do not be in a rush to sleep according to someone else’s circadian rhythm. If there is one thing we know about being in quarantine, is that there is no concept of time – so dance to your own beat.
Wear whatever you want to your zoom meetings
Yes, zoom meetings are important. No, you are not expected to show up in a pastel-hued pantsuit with six-inch stilettos and a perfect smokey eye. Your bosses and colleagues, just like you, are adapting to this stay-at-home reality. They know that homes are synonymous with comfort and convenience, so do not worry about your sartorial choices. Wear something that makes you feel awake and comfortable.
Take it easy
Are you a certified yoga coach yet? No? Even after two months? You’ve failed, congratulations. And that’s okay. While the quarantine does provide us with time, it does not subsequently equip us with the physical and mental capacity to deal with it. So, do not be so hard on yourself and take it a day at a time.
Just, stop
Stop. Drop that pan, or that pair of scissors – you do not need bangs right away. Sit through the chaos and do not attempt to chase instant results. Perhaps take a day off social media. Sit under the sun, sleep under the sun, perhaps even imagine what it would be like to be on the sun. But just stop running (metaphorically).
Unlearn everything you think you ought to be doing during quarantine
Signing up for three language courses and pursuing your MBA? Not necessary.
Finishing that novel? Try a few chapters instead.
Clean your house? Now THAT is required, so get on with it.
Quarantine is hard as is. Everything is uncertain and nobody knows the right way to navigate through it. So don’t feel compelled to make massive to-do lists and freak yourself out.
If you catch yourself thinking – ‘If I am unable to achieve all my dreams during quarantine, does that mean that I am simply a lazy ass?’ Probably. But, there’s nothing wrong with it.
This is obviously not to say that you should sit back, relax, and take a nap every 10 minutes. Keep yourself moving, keep doing things – but do not stress yourself out by looking at other people online. This is not a productivity contest. But if you think it is, feel free to sit this one out. I heard that it’s that Karen who is going to win again anyway.
A SUBTLE MISUSE 